Anxiety and Depression in Relationship - Love or Not?
Addiction · ADHD · Bipolar Disorder · Depression · Generalized Anxiety Disorder · PTSD · View All How Generalized Anxiety Disorder Can Affect Your Relationships insecure, which leads to fear and doubt about others' intentions in the relationships of adults with GAD are the result of poor coping. Forums / Relationship and family issues / Anxiety and Depression in . I want to know why I'm having thoughts that cause me so much distress. Secondly your distressing thoughts may be an unconscious fear of . Because the notion of anxiety is so new to me, it can get so easy to doubt some days, and I. For some people, though, these worries can become obsessions with doubts and fears about the future of their relationship. they also assessed feelings of depression and anxiety, using scores In either case, what may be groundless concerns take on a life of their own and can cause real relationship.
Stress makes people irritable, tense, causes a lack of sleep increasing irritabilityetc. None of these are positive conditions for relationships.
So adding the tendency to focus inwardly and think primarily about yourself compounds the issue. Anxiety can make people question love. This can happen in two ways — doubt about the feelings someone has for you, or doubt about the feelings you have for someone else.
Doubts about what someone feels for you tends to lead to a need for constant reassurance. When there are doubts about what YOU feel however, the normal response is to withdraw.
Anxiety can lead to either of these types of doubt, and in some cases it can even lead to both. Daniel Smith talks about this doubt in his book on living with anxietyand there are also countless other stories of this same sense of doubt. Whenever I get to the point of asking myself: Yet my thoughts plague me every time I see him. Sometimes I can shut the thoughts to the back-burner, other times they overwhelm me and I feel incredibly sad. I have certainty that I love my boyfriend because I miss him when we are away, I get rushes of pleasure and happiness when we kiss, I relate to him on a really strong intellectual and emotional level.
We never have conflict or disagreements, because we hold the same views.
When Anxiety Attempts To Sabotage Your Relationship | Thought Catalog
Is this how I am supposed to be feeling? Do other people feel differently about their partners? Do I find him attractive? Have I tricked myself into feeling this way? If the sex was average, does that mean our sex life is terrible?
Maybe we have no physical chemistry? Then there is a cycle of questioning: Do I really love him? Am I wasting my time? The problem with doubt is that it can be very destructive.
Like many things, relationships are all about effort. What you get out of them is very closely related to what you put in. When you doubt, you are less likely to invest the time or effort in a relationship that it requires. But by not putting the effort in, you all but ensure the relationships failure or at the very least minimize the level of satisfaction you are able to have. This sense of doubt that anxiety can create is perhaps the most damaging aspect of the condition. Anxiety leads someone to question the feelings they have for their partner.
Maybe it was just infatuation, desperation or loneliness. Maybe this relationships is not what they really want Withdrawal.
When Anxiety Attempts To Sabotage Your Relationship
Due to doubts about the relationship, you withdraw from the relationship emotionally, and stop putting any effort in. Or worse, you may become outright neglectful or hostile in a passive aggressive way of expressing unhappiness in the relationship. The behavior displayed while withdrawing causes the relationship to start to break down. Arguments start, and the environment starts to become toxic for both partners Retreat.
Realizing the damage that is being done, the anxious partner starts trying to repair the damage. This process continually repeats, as the anxiety leads the relationship to go through cycles that do increasing amounts of damage to the relationships each time. Left unchecked, it can destroy the relationship. In his book Daniel Smith describes his own experience with this process: Over and over again, I pushed Joanna away and pulled her back, drawing her into an abusive four-step dance.
First, I would grow increasingly uncertain. Was it possible that what I called love had been merely infatuation, lust, desire?
Second, torn by my doubts, I would grow withdrawn and sullen, even openly hostile. I would ignore Joanna, make nasty little remarks, put her down in front of her friends. Third, Joanna would start to fight back.
Neglected and mistreated, she would respond with anger and sadness. Why was I being so cruel? What had she done to deserve this? Fourth, horrified by my behavior, I would try urgently and with great remorse to repair the damage.
Then, after a short respite, the dance would begin again. The Breakdown of Intimacy What is intimacy? Though they are often used interchangeably, intimacy and sex are NOT the same thing. Intimacy is about closeness, and connection.
It requires vulnerability, and a willingness to open yourself up to the other person. Well, what is anxiety? Anxiety is a condition that causes chronic stress and tension, and causes people to overthink and imagine the worst in situations. It causes doubt, and fear. The hypersensitivity to the outside environment also extends itself to a sense of self, and a feeling of self-consciousness around others about how they look.
I wanted to silence my fears and doubts because I knew they had come from nowhere. But the anxiety was louder. It was there when I was sad. It was there when I was overjoyed, silently crushing my happiness and creating a numbness inside my chest. I had a panic attack so severe that I made myself sick.
I knew that I had gone through a two year relationship that ended in my realization that my feelings were not real for that partner.
I fretted over this in my new relationship, and I had no faith that I had any real insight as to how I was feeling. I got so anxious that I went numb. I knew they were there, deep down, smothered in a mess of anxiety and depression. I did feel those feelings of love, but they were so smothered by anxiety that they were difficult to detect at times and I had to search to find them. I tried to tell myself this when the fears would creep up.
On one bad morning after my anxiety attack occurred, I called my best friend in another town. I knew she had gone through the same thing with her boyfriend, and that she felt just as hopeless as I did.
She too had questioned her relationship and herself in a period of anxiety. This gave me hope. Knowing that I was not the only person to feel this way gave me strength, and she gave me the best advice.
She told me her story and how her family, her faith, and the boyfriend she was questioning pulled her out of a dark place. She said that her boyfriend never gave up on her, and was patient enough to help her through the dark times. Those two are still together four years later, and they are stronger than ever. This gave me hope and peace. There had been times where I wanted to run from my relationship, but my boyfriend was always there to catch me.
This gave me the strength I needed to continue on. I stopped trying to silence my thoughts, but instead began to redirect them to something more positive. I took a mental health day to regroup. I saw a counsellor and went back on medication. My anxiety was loud, but I knew I needed to listen to the quiet voice inside of me that was telling me everything was good instead of listening to the critical thoughts and fears that were screaming inside my head.
I am only beginning the process of recovery now, but I have a glimmer of hope and faith that is getting me through.
Losing him would kill me inside, and would be the biggest failure of my life to date.