All the latest breaking news on relationship advice. Browse The Independent's complete collection of articles and commentary on relationship advice. Christian Domestic Discipline is a lifestyle that can enhance your marriage. Find out the basics of CDD and whether or not it's for you. Every married person knows to be faithful, stay truthful and be there for her partner through good times and bad—they're in the wedding vows.
But each of them will give you a glimpse into what other couples struggle with.
Christian Domestic Discipline Promotes Spanking Wives To Maintain Biblical Marriage | HuffPost
I hope that from reading these stories, you find insight into your own marriage and how to make improvements. These stories come from my experiences in counseling couples. In my 4 years of practice, I have treated over four hundred couples. To protect the confidentiality of those involved, names are not used.
I will also leave out certain details or edit parts of the story so that the couple cannot be identified and confidentiality is maintained. This story is about a couple that has been married 12 years. They have 2 children ages 7 and They started out like any ordinary couple, fell in love, got married and had kids. She immersed herself in the role of mother and wife.
He worked full-time and saw his role as provider. He was involved in his kids lives, but not to the full extent that his wife was.
She became a stay-at-home mom and was devoted to the kids. Everything they did was with or for the kids. Being a full-time mom, she rarely took time for herself and when she did she felt guilty. She wanted more help from her husband but never asked for this because 1. Slowly over the years, resentment built up inside of her that she never communicated to her husband. Well, she would communicate subtly, but not in any way that he was able to register and respond to.
After 10 years of this, she hit burnout. She began going out and disregarding how her actions impacted her family. She went into an emotional crisis and began acting opposite of her normal self and began taking time for herself, away from her family in large doses. She then met a man that showed interest in her and she engaged in an emotional affair.
Christian Domestic Discipline for Beginners, Part One: Foundational Principles
It was caught before it got physical. She was seething with bitterness toward her husband for his lack of help around the house all these years. But often I would struggle or try to escape but he was big and strong enough to hold me in place and then would tell me I was getting more for disobeying and struggling.
Our church was non-denominational but was charismatic and evangelical. It was not required since I know lots of kids in my youth groups were in regular schools but home-schooling was definitely pushed. I was home-schooled and was raised to not even think about college.
I never heard or suspected anything growing up. Until I moved out, both her and my father spanked me, although he did most of it. His mother had passed away long ago and his father died shortly after our wedding and I never got to talk to him much. Until I left the house, with being petite along with their ideas of modesty, I still wore little girl style underpants.
Comfortable, but very childish, very full coverage stuff. I remember being mortified our wedding night and wanted to find something sexy that would make me feel good and I thought he would like, too. I bought some lingerie nothing really scandalous and wore a pair one night. Were they surprised by it? Because of his behavior — with no rage, just an expectancy of needing to control you, it makes me think this was normal within his background or upbringing. Did you tell him why you were leaving?
What was his response? Was your church aware of what was going on? Are you officially divorced now? The modesty issue and him not wanting you to get any kind of lingerie shows a real distorted view of sexuality. Do you have any children? Are you able to support yourself okay? Did you go straight from home to marriage without any schooling? Thank you so much for answering all of these questions and your willingness to share your story publicly. I know it will be very, very enlightening to many people.
The church needs to know this is going on. She was there every step of the way. We had no children thankfully and we are fully divorced.
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When I left he was convinced that it was because of my friend and being led astray and away from God. He did not stalk me or anything but vowed to constantly pray for me to come to my senses and return.
My parents were a little surprised at first but I think they see spanking as not the same as abuse. They told me that I needed to do a better job of obeying and not being disrespectful or difficult and told me I needed to pray more to be a better wife.
When I left him, they did not abandon me but at the same time were not fully supportive and told me they were praying for us to work it out. I love them but our relationship is often strained.
I am in my early 30s and this past 4th of July I was there and we had a bit of an argument. The abuse comes in different forms. He did it in front of his children as they watched and cried, saying that mommies get spanked for bad behavior, too. Spanking of Children through Adulthood and Transfer of Headship In my former church, we were taught by our pastor that civil laws regarding adulthood did not apply when it came to disciplining children in our homes.
This same pastor also told husbands to get control of their wives. They did not see his authority as abusive, but appropriate.
Christian Domestic Discipline for Beginners, Part One
No wonder Lauren was so confused in her marriage. It seems the only difference between the role of a father and the role of new husband is that the new husband gets sexual privileges and now has someone to cook and clean for him, and bear children. I see no other difference in how these wives are treated compared to how they were treated as daughters. We need to be aware of the existence of this atrocity in our churches and be bold in calling it out when we see it.
It is insidious that this practice has continued in the name of God and Christianity. Young boys in these homes will likely learn this behavior of entitlement over women and repeat it. Young girls will also learn from the behavior and may find themselves with abusive men because of familiarity.