Control and power issues in a relationship

Who’s in control in your relationship?

control and power issues in a relationship

Don't let control take over your internal steering wheel. If you are worried that Reach out, seek help, and find a REAL solution for the issues at hand. You believe it gives you power, when really, it leaves you powerless. Some relationships involve behaviour that is damaging to the other partner and, This control or power imbalance can take many forms, including intimidation. Each of these are common signs of underlying conflict and control issues. . In the control-control (or power struggle) problem pattern, neither partner is willing.

I never expected we would end up here. Every attempt I make to understand her is shot down with more criticism, hate, and blame than I think I've ever received. And that turns me into the hulk Seeking a solution to their surface-level "communication issues", people are often looking for a quick fix to what they believe the problem is. Honestly, though, it is not always communication itself that is the issue. It goes much deeper. It is often about control. Attempts to "be right", to win, to have the last say, to prove yourself, and to bring your partner down so that your self-esteem supposedly goes up And they are all a facet of control in one way or another.

It wants to win and make your partner the enemy.

Its All About Power and Control |

Control keeps you in a one-up position where connection, trust, and understanding cannot exist. Control is often a safety-net You believe it gives you power, when really, it leaves you powerless.

control and power issues in a relationship

Rationally, we must understand that -- even in the most extreme of circumstances -- we can never control another person. It is just not possible.

Abusive power and control

This second problem contributes to the most common destructive pattern in male-female relationships: The pursuing partner becomes more and more frustrated leading her to increase the pressure, while the withdrawer becomes more and more overwhelmed by it, resorting to flight or fight to escape. Both partners feel caught in a terrible script that just keeps replaying.

control and power issues in a relationship

When these problems are chronic and entrenched--seem to always follow the same repeating script--they can cause serious trouble. Partners who manage conflict by always avoiding or giving-in are also putting their relationship at risk. Often these tendencies result from early upbringing and are more or less automatic--not something we necessarily understand very well about ourselves.

Compliant partners need to learn to stand up for their needs in a relationship. A certain amount of self-support and self-validation is required. Control-oriented partner s need to accept more influence from their partner. Marriage research finds that accepting influence from your partner is highly correlated with marriage success for men. For women, moderating the ways that you seek to influence your partner to make them more positive is the other side of this finding.

A chronic need to be in control and have your way on most things is often related to underlying insecurities that sometimes have origins deep in our early childhood experiences. Likewise, always giving in can reflect a different response to similar issues. Paradoxically, for the control-oriented person learning to give up some control can be the key to getting more of what we want and need in relationships.

control and power issues in a relationship

The paradox for the compliant is that becoming more assertive can lead to more enduring relationships. If you have difficulty modifying chronic compliant or controlling behavior, you may find individual counseling helpful in exploring and resolving underlying insecurities.

Misuse of Power and Control in Relationships

Sometimes, one or both partners need to learn to tolerate differences that cannot be resolved at least for now. This means putting such differences aside for a time, once efforts to arrive at a compromise have been exhausted.

  • How to Recognize Power and Control Creeping Into Any Relationship
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  • How Control Is Killing Your Relationship

This means tolerating some of your differences without an absolute need to change your partner. In the long run, this strategy is unlikely to succeed for either partner. Each partner should do so from time to time.

Compromise, of course, means concessions from each partner.