My One-Sided Competition With My Husband’s Ex-Wife | Ravishly
And likewise, the wife has a moral obligation to her ex-husband, even Respect: Your relationship with your husband's ex will have a lot to do. What I felt for my husband's ex-wife before was forced sympathy, but what I so plainly lacked was simple empathy as her world was thrown off its axis. I've been divorced from my first husband for 13 years. We used to spend a lot of time together with our son until he got into a relationship and got remarried.
My ex has spent a good deal of time around my new home, as his condo has taken much longer to complete as was predicted. In order for the children to see him more often I have been extremely accommodating and have allowed him to be in my home with the kids. He knows the code to my house lock and oftentimes enters on his own. He has the tendency to walk into the house, open the refrigerator door and grabs something to eat, which is exactly what he always did when we were married.
Not such a big deal you might say.
Although we have a very friendly relationship for the most part, he is not my husband anymore. I have been far too accommodating to him. I should have created a scenario where it was incumbent upon him to get into his new place in order to have a place for him and the kids. This is my house and I should have laid down he ground rules that said he is to knock on the front door just like any other houseguest.
Houseguests do not help themselves to the food in my refrigerator. This is him living by the old rules as if this were his home, which it is not.
How to keep peace with your husband’s ex
Establish Some Ground Rules These ground rules are meant to protect you and prevent any kind of situations that could lead to an upset. Obviously the less you have to do with your ex after divorce the better.
That is not to say that you cannot have a relationship with your ex, but it has to be radically different from the one you had while married. There are those women who cannot have their ex in their lives for any reason other than the children. Their emotional ties to their ex are still strong and they need to isolate themselves in order to break those ties.3 Simple Tips for Dealing With Your Partner's Ex - zolyblog.info
Set ground rules that determine the nature of this new relationship. These rules might include: Keep all communication limited to only what is necessary for the kids or legal matters. When an upset is looming or when your ex starts to speak to you in appropriate ways, stop the conversation and hang up or walk away.
Let your ex know this new ground rule: It is not a place to hang out with the kids. It is not his home.
When he is in your house make certain he realizes that he is a houseguest like any other. Do not discuss your fears, concerns or personal issues because that only maintains the emotional tie between the two of you. Don't talk about anything that opens the door to more connections or emotional entanglements.
My One-Sided Competition With My Husband’s Ex-Wife
Don't send messages through the kids. You don't need to know where he goes, what he does, what he is thinking or whom he is seeing…and he doesn't need to know those things about you as well. This might be the hardest tie to break. I remember in the early part of my separation, I continued to treat him as my husband when I called upon him for assistance with the kids.
- Dealing With Your Ex After Divorce and Setting Boundaries
Handle it yourself by getting support from friends or family. You aren't married anymore and you will only be left disappointed. Your money, no matter how it is acquired, is your money. The courts determined that support and it doesn't give him the right to comment upon or berate you about finances.
4 Ways to Deal With a Spouse's Previous Marriage - wikiHow
If you are experiencing any problems with support checks, take it to your lawyer. Never beg or put yourself in an inferior position. Keep your true financial position to yourself. Blood is thicker than water. If you have developed a friendship with your sister-in-law, make certain it is because you two are friends, not family members.
Always insist that the subject of your ex is forbidden.
All too often women continue to do things or relate in ways to their ex that were part of their former marriage. If he needs support or someone to talk to about personal matters, he needs to call a friend and not you.
You are not there to assist him as you did when you were his wife. You are not his wife anymore and not his friend either, at least not right now. Perhaps in the future, when you have cut all of the psychological ties to your ex that held you back form creating a new life for yourself; you might be able to ease these rules. What's done is done and what is past is past. Let go of anything that does not serve you well.
This is unfortunately only attention seeking and self-serving noise.
It happens even in the best families. The truth is, there are times in life that require us to take hold of all our human capacities: And we do it for the good of the family. Like it or not, extended or blended families are on the rise. Divorce is already a tsunami of pain for children and for the couple; if we add to that pain the ongoing squabbling and fighting of the adults, then the pain will be irreparable.
The father with the new wife and the mother with the new husband, and the children: And the reason is this: If they are believers, there is moral commitment that remains as well. That is, even if you are now the legal wife, your husband still has a moral obligation to his ex-wife.
And likewise, the wife has a moral obligation to her ex-husband, even if she has remarried. To start, if you marry a man who is divorced, you are going to have an ex in the picture, and if they had children, then you accepted the whole package when you married him, with all the pros and cons. They may be challenging, but they are a worthy goal that will also help you develop a deeper charity, fortitude, empathy, and fairness.
Out of fairness, let your spouse fulfill his moral obligations toward his previous family. Insofar as it is possible to have a heart-to-heart, mature conversation that helps you build bridges, do it.