Give-and-take | Definition of Give-and-take by Merriam-Webster
When someone refers to the "give and take" in a relationship, it means the returning of a favor or compromise in order to maintain emotional. That means a healthy relationship – one that has. Self-love and knowing how to take care of yourself is the building block to being capable of a loving and And it doesn't mean that's TRUE for you anymore – it's old. Give-and-take definition is - the practice of making mutual concessions: compromise.
How to give and get more love in your relationship
That is why you choose very wisely a deserving mate, and then give them this very special and precious gift that is your loving and bountiful soul. So by default, what you ask of this other person should always come from that whole place — it is not a NEED that they do anything to make you happy. It is a want, but not a mandate — for their love is always a gift to you. However, in the real world — the one filled with stress and not enough sleep, most of us tend to regress into old emotional baggage patterns.
Because, with habit — our unconscious self takes over. When we are stressed, busy, worried, taxed, emotionally drained, chemically compromised or in a pattern of nonstop overthinking —we begin to operate from a survival mode state. What are my wants — what should this other person do for me.
These needs that they are meant to fulfill for us, do not exist in reality — they exist in our emotional muscle memory.
They are like echoes of the way our childhood love maps were formed: They are also the needs and wants of the ego — our constructed identity that wants to build a persona who is never wrong, always trying harder, and based on the rules — wins every fight. So by default, our relationships take a ton of abuse. This person is there to support us, so they receive the expression of our base level neediness.
Because they fill a role based in love and attention and care — we have a built in inclination to activate the same story inside ourselves — the one we wore in childhood. A default setting when energy is low. Why would this old baggage come into play in a romance?
Because relationships are the reenactment of our home: I am so vulnerable! Because to be seen so completely vulnerable is an intense confrontation: THAT for many is utterly terrifying and the harder the exterior, the more sensitive the skin beneath.
This person — even though they have love for you, can destroy you — so it makes for a high-stakes bond. Even if you are filled with loathing and frustration — as a partner, your job is to handle their heart with white gloves — always very gently and protecting them from harm.
They are not who you wish or want them to be. They are human and flawed and even if you think they should want to be a different way — that expectation is unfair and unrealistic.
And the sooner you get to that truth and accept it —the faster you will be happy and get the love you want. Once you let go of the pain of your own expectations and accept the truth, you become truly empowered to act based on your own best interests as well as the person you love. What is outside my control? If you have a loved one who is releasing all sorts of crazy shit onto your relationship, the positive side to that is that when we get secure with another person who loves us, we work out our shit.
Lessons learned from Give and Take - RWieruch
When we are busy, we often operate from habit because it saves energy to live this way— and this is also true for the patterns of a relationship. You are quite literally operating on a power saving system of habit — in other words, you are unconscious. You might not even notice it — but you stop participating in your day to day life — instead you play a series of old records.
Your reactions and interactions play on loops. So when you live from this unconscious place, your ego is at the wheel. The ego needs to reaffirm itself constantly to create a sense of order in your logic, so it will label everything. Like a lawyer taking notes. It is because of this method of calculating that you will play a very predictable set of reactions to your average relationship interactions. Whether or not it feels like it in the moment, that emotional reaction is a choice.
When you suffer from fatigue, that moment often escapes you — because it takes effort. THAT instinct — to be right— is your ego.
You are the one who wants love and peace and to be rid of the stupid patterns that make your relationship un-fun for both of you. You are the higher, thinking self who is reading this and having tiny bells ring in the recesses of their memory. Love is like a rubber band around the two of you: When you go through too much stress and put too much pressure on your love early in the relationship, you can break it.
They have to go all in. Because love is a bond based on mutual trust — so when that gift exchange is gone, it must be offered anew once again. Trust will be proven over time, with transparent and genuine effort. That gesture is what will inspire change from the other person. If you find yourself in patterns and grooves in a relationship, once one person changes — the other will by default change — because their dance partner started doing a different step.
Fear of emotionally lethal injury: Especially for someone with a tough persona — which reveals a sensitive interior. Gratitude is hence a powerful driving emotion in social exchange. When I help you, it is your gratitude that is the deposit in my account that motivates you to repay me, not just the fact that I helped you. Other emotions complicate the situation. For example if I help you and expect you to be grateful, then my feelings of expectation will give me the impression that I have earned a certain amount of social capital, and that my bucket is a little fuller as yours is a little emptier.
Yet if you are not that grateful, you will not think you owe me that much. In fact if you did not need or want my help then you may think you owe me nothing. And if you see my help as an intrusion or an attempted 'robbery' in forcing me to owe you in return then your feelings of resentment will tip the balance the other way as you believe I owe you some reparation for the wrong done. In this way positive and negative emotions have opposite effects on the social capital bucket, and the stronger the emotion, the bigger the effect.
If you hurt me in any way, then you owe me. If you help me then I owe you. Love and hate are enduring emotions that have a big effect on give and take. If I love you then I will give much. Even if you do little in return, I will feel good for having helped you and hence effectively reward myself with good feelings rather than expect things from you.
The extreme form of this is unconditional love which, as the name suggests, expects nothing in return. Love can also complicate the bucket when it leads to lower expected reciprocity. My expressions of love for you may make you feel that I expect little.
This can cause resentment and anger that results in recriminations that erode the love, effectively 'killing the golden goose'. Hate is often based in the belief that the other person owes a great deal, which justifies attacks that take much from them. When others refuse to repay what we believe they owe us then our emotions become negative and hence motivate harmful action.
Just as unconditional love does not consider what is given, blind hate is not concerned with what is taken. Both can upset the bucket and confuse the social capital account, though each is likely to beget itself. Love very largely creates love and hate mostly creates hate. Love results in much reciprocal giving while hate leads to battles of blow-by-blow taking. The wider effect While give and take is important in individual relationships, its broader power is in the creation of society.
As relationships deepen and trust increases, we may take from one person and give to another. For example a person in a happy relationship will be kind to others, effectively sharing the social capital gained from their relationship partner.
This is helped by the fact that emotional exchange is often unconscious. When I help you, I may not realize the value I provide and so do not expect much in return.Couple Tries An Open Relationship For A Month
This gives you the scope to help others without emptying the bucket. The overspill thus created keeps society afloat in a sea of social capital. Social capital can be gained indirectly when others see you helping people and doing good things. When they appreciate your actions in conforming with social norms, their approval effectively acts as putting a few social credits into your bucket. Politicians know that they can make huge gains from widespread public approval, so they seek to champion popular causes and otherwise appear 'good'.
Within this social system there will be net takers and givers: Givers may be unwilling, feeling as the downtrodden poor. They may also be those who have a seemingly deep well and who pay themselves internally, feeling good just for helping rather than needing material repayment from others. It is this intrinsic system that gives society its net positive social capital and which allows us to live together in large groups.
Laws often result from failures of people and society to maintain a balance of give and take. They remind us to give and they take from takers with material and physical punishment. Laws protect the vulnerable from those who would take advantage.