Marital and relationship wisdom 101

marital and relationship wisdom 101

Texts from years ago abound with teachings about how to create healthy marriage partnerships. Here's a sampling of six. Explore sabrina cattermole's board "Relationship Wisdom to Live By" on Pinterest . | See more ideas about Thoughts, Love and marriage and Christian marriage. See more. Godly dating Its not that it can't work, its that it · Christ Centered. Instructors of Northwestern University's Marriage class want to wisdom of the day was that the only way to have a happy marriage was for.

Areas of agreement that partners will have dealt with will generally include: Successful partners develop a significant friendship at the core of their relationship. They genuinely like one another, amuse and comfort one another, and prefer to spend time with each other. This friendship and mutual liking is somewhat separate from other aspects of the relationship sexuality, for instanceand can survive the loss of these other aspects of the relationship.

A strong friendship and mutual liking is often the basis for repair of troubled relationships. The partners reach agreement with regard to how household responsibilities are divided and how they will behave towards each other. Traditionally, and still dominantly, the male or masculine-identified partner will take on the majority of financial obligations, while the female or feminine-identified partner will take on nurturing roles.

Tradition has broken down significantly in the industrialized west over the last century, however, and it is not at all uncommon to find 'women' who take on financial obligations, 'men' who take on nurturing roles, or to find both partners sharing these roles to one degree or another. Failure to reach agreement with regard to roles can be a major source of conflict.

Successful partners learn to trust each other, to be vulnerable with each other, to laugh together, and to support one another in times of need.

Partners come to basic agreements as to how they will be sexual with each other. Frequently traditionally this means that they will be sexual with one another, and not with other people, but this is not necessarily the case. Sexual expectations may further dictate the kinds and patterns of sexual activities that each partner will and will not engage in. Coming to agreement with regard to sexuality can increase trust that couples feel for each other, and failure to reach agreement can be cause for conflict.

As sexual activity is strongly rewarding and bonding for couples, it is best for marriages when partners agree upon sexual expectations and are both satisfied with their lovemaking. The relationship created by kiddushin can only be dissolved by death or divorce. However, the spouses do not live together at the time of the kiddushin, and the mutual obligations created by the marital relationship do not take effect until the nisuin is complete.

The nisuin from a word meaning "elevation" completes the process of marriage. The husband brings the wife into his home and they begin their married life together.

In the past, the kiddushin and nisuin would routinely occur as much as a year apart. During that time, the husband would prepare a home for the new family. There was always a risk that during this long period of separation, the woman would discover that she wanted to marry another man, or the man would disappear, leaving the woman in the awkward state of being married but without a husband.

Today, the two ceremonies are normally performed together. Because marriage under Jewish law is essentially a private contractual agreement between a man and a woman, it does not require the presence of a rabbi or any other religious official.

marital and relationship wisdom 101

It is common, however, for rabbis to officiate, partly in imitation of the Christian practice and partly because the presence of a religious or civil official is required under United States civil law. As you can see, it is very easy to make a marriage, so the rabbis instituted severe punishments usually flogging and compelled divorce where marriage was undertaken without proper planning and solemnity. A Typical Wedding Ceremony It is customary for the bride and groom not to see each other for a week preceding the wedding.

On the Shabbat of that week, it is customary among Ashkenazic Jews for the groom to have an aliyah the honor of reciting a blessing over the Torah reading. This aliyah is known as an ufruf. There are exuberant celebrations in the synagogue at this time. Throwing candy at the bride and groom to symbolize the sweetness of the event is common Soft candy, of course!

Usually Sunkist Fruit Gems, which are kosher. Traditionally, the day before the wedding, both the bride and the groom fast. Before the ceremony, the bride is veiled, in remembrance of the fact that Rebecca veiled her face when she was first brought to Isaac to be his wife. The ceremony itself lasts minutes, and consists of the kiddushin and the nisuin.

For the kiddushin, the bride approaches and circles the groom. Two blessings are recited over wine: The man then places the ring on woman's finger and says "Be sanctified mekudeshet to me with this ring in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel. The nisuin then proceeds. The bride and groom stand beneath the chuppah, a canopy held up by four poles, symbolic of their dwelling together and of the husband's bringing the wife into his home.

The importance of the chuppah is so great that the wedding ceremony is sometimes referred to as the chuppah. The bride and groom recite seven blessings sheva brakhos in the presence of a minyan prayer quorum of 10 adult Jewish men.

What makes for a happy marriage?

The essence of each of the seven blessings is: The couple then drinks the wine. The groom smashes a glass or a small symbolic piece of glass with his right foot, to symbolize the destruction of the Temple. The couple then retires briefly to a completely private room, symbolic of the groom bringing the wife into his home. This is followed by a festive meal, which is followed by a repetition of the sheva brakhos. Exuberant music and dancing traditionally accompany the ceremony and the reception.

You will rarely hear the traditional "Here Comes the Bride" wedding march at a Jewish wedding. This song, more accurately known as the Bridal Chorus from Lohengrin, was written by antisemitic composer Richard Wagner. He was Hitler's favorite composer, and it is said that the Nazis used to broadcast Wagner's songs over the concentration camps.

For this reason, Jews have been understandably reluctant to play his music at our weddings. Awareness of this historical tidbit is fading, though, as is that reluctance. The Marital Relationship Marriage is vitally important in Judaism.

Refraining from marriage is not considered holy, as it is in some other religions. On the contrary, it is considered unnatural.

marital and relationship wisdom 101

The Talmud says that an unmarried man is constantly thinking of sin. The Talmud tells of a rabbi who was introduced to a young unmarried rabbi. The older rabbi told the younger one not to come into his presence again until he was married. Marriage is not solely, or even primarily, for the purpose of procreation.

What Makes For A Happy Marriage?

Traditional sources recognize that companionship, love and intimacy are the primary purposes of marriage, noting that woman was created in Gen. According to the Torah and the Talmuda man was permitted to marry more than one wife, but a woman could not marry more than one man. Although polygyny was permitted, it was never common. The Talmud never mentions any rabbi with more than one wife. It continued to be permitted for Sephardic Jews in Islamic lands for many years.

To the present day, Yemenite and Ethiopian Jews continue to practice polygyny; however, the modern state of Israel allows only one wife.

marital and relationship wisdom 101

Those who move to Israel with more than one wife are permitted to remain married to all of the existing wives, but cannot marry additional ones.

A husband is responsible for providing his wife with food, clothing and sexual relations Ex. Marital sexual relations are the woman's right, not the man's. A man cannot force his wife to engage in sexual relations with him, nor is he permitted to abuse his wife in any way a practice routinely permitted in Western countries until quite recently.

A married woman retains ownership of any property she brought to the marriage, but the husband has the right to manage the property and to enjoy profits from the property. Prohibited Marriages and Illegitimate Children The minimum age for marriage under Jewish law is 13 for boys, 12 for girls; however, the kiddushin can take place before that, and often did in medieval times.

The Talmud recommends that a man marry at age 18, or somewhere between 16 and The Torah sets forth a laundry list of prohibited relations.