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The emphasis, when working from that assumption, is on getting the child to do things in a way that may not be the best possible way—or even possible at all—for them. A straightforward and common example is speech.
Here are some standard developmental milestones for speech and language: However, autistic language development varies greatly from the developmental norms. Some autistic people speak early, some at a typical age, others at a later-than-average age and some not at all. Some of us use speech for simple interactions and text or other means for more complex interactions, while others use AAC for all communication.
Some of us never reach typical milestones and other leap over milestones at an atypical age. The typical developmental milestones are useful as a diagnostic aid, but beyond that they are simply a distraction.
Rather than focusing on meeting a set of speech milestones, the emphasis should be on finding communication methods that work reliably for the individual autistic person. They have a completely different communication ability than their peers. Chronologically Out of Step The inspiration for this post was in part a Facebook discussion that Ariane initiated prior to the post I linked to above and in part some comments on the Intersection of Gender and Autism posts here.
I was struck by how many of us had a sense that we were somehow lagging behind our peers when we were younger or how we still had interests that might be considered age inappropriate by people given to making such judgments.
In each of these comments, there was a hint or more of embarrassment around these interests. As always, the what of it is fairly easy to quantify, but the why is trickier. Dad gets called out for some emergency, so Scott drives you home.
He apologizes for not noticing earlier that something was wrong, thank god Derek did, and you ask, wait, Derek is back? Scott does some explaining. Cora, a stone wall of a girl, meets you in the hallway. You talk at Derek through his apartment door, and you feel weird about not seeing him. So when Deaton calls and offers you a chance to observe your first spell reversal the next morning, you leap at the chance for more than one reason. Everybody keeps telling you that it's just because of a spell, but you can't believe that.
Spell or not, Isaac is the most amazing person you've ever met or will ever meet. He's gorgeous, and perfect for you, you know it. Everything he says is hilarious, and you don't know how you ever missed the fact that he has no flaws. You feel weird about it, and at first you think it's just because it's an awkward situation for anybody, but then you have trouble sleeping, and you keep spacing out in class, remembering that it's been weeks since you've been in control of your own body, how much longer until you lose it again?
And you can't bring it up with Scott, or your dad, because you've tried, and they just start apologizing about not realizing you were possessed, then the whole conversation gets off track. It makes a lot of sense to just go to Derek. He's your alpha, after all, an older brother figure——no, that sounds weird—— he's a trusted adult? He's your friend, and if anybody knows what it's like to have your life spin out of your control, it's Derek. God, you haven't dealt with anything compared to what Derek's been through.
He doesn't act like it, though. He reassures you, doesn't make you feel like an idiot for complaining about something that wasn't your fault, for complaining about what should be a comedic story about the miscasting of a spell. He lets you feel bad, tells you it isn't weird to feel bad.
Then he changes the subject. It's just what you needed. You wonder what would have happened if you'd seen him first when the love spell was cast. Sometimes you swear you have sense memory of sitting in his lap, but you don't know where that would have come from, besides the- you don't dwell on that.
When people ask you why you love her, you never produce anything better than the reasons you loved Isaac. And those weren't reasons at all.
Which doesn't mean you've given up on love.
Chronologically Out of Step
It's senior year, that's when people always find The One in movies. There are plenty of girls in your classes who wouldn't be bad at all. You don't ask any of them out. You can never work up the nerve, and even if you could, you don't know any girls well enough to ask out besides Erica and Cora, who are terrifying and untouchable. You decide that college will be the time you find somebody. People always find The One in college.
Your parents met in college. College dominates your life in general, because that's what it does senior year of high school. You've always known you were going to go to UBH, you're a Beacon Hills boy down to the bone, and you can't leave Dad, but College Drama surges around you for months.
People needing somebody to read their personal essay, charts comparing average gpas accepted, facebook groups where students post where they'll be going, counselors hounding you about letters of rec, transcripts to send, college sweatshirts crowding the hallways as May approaches.
You're excited about UBH. College was the best years of everybody's life, apparently. You just aren't sure about living on campus. It's expensive, and you have a house a half an hour away for god's sakes. And the roommate horror stories you've read online have gotten to you. But you can't live at your Dad's house all through college, come on now.
The solution is standing right in front of you, you realize, when you overhear Isaac talking about moving out of Derek's and up north. You picture hanging out with Derek, late nights and popcorn, Derek semi-ironically calling you "roomie" and it's decided.
Living at Derek's is fantastic. Okay, there's more pressure to do your own dishes, and you have to chip in for rent although you know for a fact that Derek is grossly undercharging you, but otherwise it's fantastic. Sometimes you guys just chill, and sometimes you play Settlers of Catan or whatever, but either way, it's nice.
You definitely wouldn't feel as comfortable in a dorm. You wouldn't be able to just say "fuck it" and walk naked to the shower in a dorm either. One thing you do notice, and it isn't a big deal really, it's not like it's a problem It's just that Derek is actually that improbably attractive at all times of the day.
Like, you aren't blind, you can admit that he's a hot dude, he could model if he didn't have Moral Issues with the modeling industry, but you always figured that Derek was good at picking clothes, that once he took his morning shower and coiffed his hair, he achieved model status. After all, even you can look good with the right amount of prep and lighting. But the thing about Derek is that he looks like a grecian statue when he's just rolled out of bed, in a gross T-shirt and pajama pants with a coffee stain down the front, or when he's been awake for like nineteen hours and should have crazy circles under his eyes but he doesn't.
You've never met anybody as inconsistent about shaving as Derek is, but it doesn't seem to matter because Derek pulls off any length of facial hair. Because Derek could have any girl he wants, but never bothers, and you have trooped out with the freshman hoards every friday night since school started, and never once has there been a girl at a party who's wanted to make out with you.
Not even a little. It's a waste, is all. Then you find out why Derek never goes after any girls and you get it with blistering clarity. Concern leads you to do research, but none of the advice you get helps; Derek is determined to be fine. You wonder what Paige was like. What the person most suited for Derek in the world was like.
Probably quiet, thoughtful, kind, to match Derek. Pretty, to match Derek. It seems like everybody has found somebody but you. The morning after you and Derek watch Transformers, you wake up with your face mashed into his chest, cuddled up against him, hypnotized by the beat of breath under his ribs.
This is what you want, you think as you drift back to sleep. You just want to find somebody warm and comforting and muscular to wake up with. All the flirting advice online is written for girls——harder than ever. You want a warm body to hug. But kissing is like trying to get a job: You pull into your parking space in front of the apartment complex and realize that you know somebody.
Really, you reason as you climb the stairs, it would be good for both of you: Judging from the way Derek kisses you, you were right. And kissing is fantastic.
His stubble rubs against your face, and objectively, it feels like sandpaper, but subjectively, it feels amazing. And he still smells really good. You feel detached and alone in your body when the kissing ends. Derek says you did pretty well. You figure it would be weird to return the compliment. You and Derek go to The Jungle the next week. That instead of being part of some high-caliber, inaccessible dating world that you live galaxies away from, Derek is probably interested in the same people you are.
A little older, maybe. You like The Jungle. You like the anonymity, the thumping beat of the music that makes you feel sexy, you like the outrageousness of the drag queens and the shirtlessness of the dancers.
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You back up and right into David. David has shaved sections of hair and a nose ring and sometimes wears glasses that have a fake handlebar mustache dangling from them on two thin chains.
However, David is a biotech major at UBH, which makes him easy access. Just sometimes he kisses you and you wonder if this is what all of the fuss is about. You lose your virginity, which is nice to finally get rid of, and you come, sure, but you can do that on your own without somebody dripping sweat all over you and making weird noises.
You come out to your dad. Dad claps you on the back and advises you to always wear a rubber. Like, you go home, see Derek knitting on the couch, and are struck with a vision of the two of you as old men: You want that future.
Like, you try out a spell and turn into a werewolf for like ten minutes, and Derek's scent is literally the best thing you've ever smelled. You just associate his smell with comfort and happiness, so once it gets magnified like a million times, you go a little crazy. The scent of tea and male are familiar, but underneath it are also carnations, pine, pavement after rain, a new bundle of sage. Like, David breaks up with you, so the first thing you do is crawl into Derek's bed and sob like a child.
The breakup shouldn't have been a surprise. In hindsight, you see how noncommittal he was, how he played the "who can be the most casual" game with his texts, you realize that you never met any of his friends, and that he only came over to your apartment once. But it's just so exhausting, knowing that now you have to go through the same cycle again: However financial assistance does Independence Square where the recipients have to agree to policy reforms District of Columbia from I knew and loved.
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